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Friday, 12 July 2013

Review - Movie 43

Review- Movie 43

Wow... This Movie... Shocking.
I have never been so shocked by a film in the way i was while watching this one, it was disgusting, cheesy and just plain stupid with no redeeming features at all, I'm surprised they were able to get such a great cast and do absolutely nothing with them.
The film is basically a string of short films that don't connect at all, with a silly main story line interweaving them all which is also utterly pointless and has no payoff at all.
 I'm going to go through the skits in order and review them all:

The Thread:
The Thread is the main plot that links everything together, about 3 teenagers trying to find the infamous "Movie 43" which is supposedly a life changing video, which turns out to be a warning to them, to not watch Movie 43 because it'll destroy the world. This was such a bad skit, it is the main story but was probably one of the weaker stories because it hardly had a humor in it at all and there was no mystery about "Movie 43" because I just didn't care!

The Catch: This skit was so cringe worthy and embarrassing for the actors involved, Beth (Kate Winslet) goes on a blind date with Davis (Hugh Jackman), the city's most eligible bachelor, Davis looks like the perfect man until he takes his scarf off... revealing the TESTICLES he has dangling from his neck... Yep...
I just didn't understand why this was supposed to be funny, it was horribly cheesy and just stupid and i was extremely surprised two huge actors agreed to do this skit.

Homeschooled:
Out of all of these terrible skits, I thought this one was the best, that's not to say it's good at all, but it just the better shit than the other shit. It had Liev Schrieber & Naomi Watts playing a couple who home school their child, but want the child to have the high school experience, so bully him endlessly. There were a few funny parts in this skit, like the parents having a house party and not inviting their kid got a laugh out of me, i had seen this kind of thing before but it was a lot more enjoyable than any of these other skits.
The Proposition: Julie (Anna Faris) and Doug (Chris Platt) are a couple who have been going out for a year and Doug is going to pop the question to her, but before he gets to ask, she asks for Doug to defecate on her in the bedroom... Oh dear, i honestly have no idea where they came up with these ideas and that they thought people would actually laugh at this terrible idea.
Veronica: I thought this skit was one of the worst ones and didn't really understand it, it's about a check out guy called Neil (Kieran Culkan) who is working a night shift, when his ex-girlfriend, Veronica (Emma Stone), come through his line and the two begin arguing with each other, the argument quickly becomes more sexual and the joke is that Neil left the intercom on so all the shoppers are hearing their conversation, Hahaha... it's as funny as it sounds! After Veronica leaves in tears, the customers agree to look after the shop while Neil goes to find Veronica. I thought this would be continued later on because of the ending but nothing else happened with the sketch, i think they could of come up with a better ending than that and once again the sketch underutilized the actors they had to work with.
iBabe: A rip-off company of apple have made a product called, The iBabe,  a naked woman which also functions as a mp3 player. The boss played by Richard Gere is getting a lot of complaints over the placement of the fan on the iBabe which is located in the genital religion  because teenage boys are mangling their penises who attempt to have sex with them. The board members make a new advert telling people not to touch the genital area. Another unfunny skit which is completely random and stupid, not much to say about it really!

Superhero Speed Dating: Robin (Justin Long) is doing speed dating in Gotham City, when Batman (Jason Sudeikis) seeks out a bomb threat that had been called in at the speed dating establishment by their nemesis, Penguin, while Robin is trying to find his one true love, including; Lois Lane (Uma Thurman) and Supergirl (Kristen Bell) who turns out to be the Riddler in disguise, which Batman already had figured out and was screwing with Robin who had been kissing him. This could of been a really fun sketch but there was something off about it, maybe it was because i had already given up on this movie at that point and just switched off but i think it could of been a lot funnier and once again it had a great cast that they did nothing with!

Middle school Date:
I don't even want to talk about this one because it was so gross, Nathan (Jimmy Bennett) and Amanda (Chloe Grace Mortez) are on a date, Amanda realizes she is menstruating for the first time and tries to hide it, soon Nathan and his brother find out and start freaking out over it and try to find objects to stop the bleeding with. This one was another vulgar, disgusting one, that wasn't trying to go for smart laughs it was trying to go for low brow humor which i didn't like at all, especially seeing cute, little Chloe Grace Mortez smearing blood on the walls...
Happy Birthday:  Pete (Johnny Knoville) has slept with Brian (Seann William Scott) girlfriend and as a present captured a leprechaun (Gerald Butler) and is demanding for the leprechaun's pot of gold. The leprechaun says that his brother is coming to save him (also played by Gerald Butler), which he does hidden, in a pot of gold, he attacks Brian and Pete but they kill both leprechauns and they take the gold, Pete also got Brian a fairy who gives blowjobs for gold coins, how convenient!
This skit was okay, I think Gerald Butler is a pretty terrible actor but i enjoyed him as a leprechaun for some reason! But overall, another pointless skit.
Truth Or Dare: Donald (Stephen Merchant) & Emily (Halle Berry) are on a date in a Mexican restaurant,  Emily is bored of all generic first date questions and makes Donald play truth or dare with her, the game starts with silly truths but then they ramp it up by doing ridiculous dares like getting breast enlargements and getting a penis tattooed onto Donald's mouth, the only one i found funny was Emily blowing out a blind child's birthday cake candles before the kid could, (I'm a fan of cruel humor) This sketch had its funny parts but was dragged out too long.
Victory's Glory: I had really given up on the film and this point and absolutely hated this skit, Terrence Howard played a basketball coach for a all black team that was worried about losing to an all white team, Coach thought that it was ridiculous that they were worried, saying things like "You can beat them with your footlong dick" just horribly stereotypical things like that really angered me and made this one of the weakest skits of the bunch.
Beezel: The credits started to roll and I was happy this terrible film was over, until another sketch began!
directed by James Gunn who directed "Super" (which I think is a great film) i had slight hopes for this one for some reason, but once again I was utterly disappointed;
Beezel is an animated cat, who is jealous of Amy's (Elizabeth Banks) and Anson's (Josh Duhamel)  relationship. But the cat is not jealous because it is not getting all the attention anymore it's because Beezel loves Anson, at one point in the skit, Beezel masturbates over photos of him! That's the great kind of humor used in this sketch! This sketch seemed even more out there than the others because it also included animation, which could of been done much better, but the film just doesn't care!

This film is the worst film I have ever seen, just random skits tied together, none of them good, wasting such great actors, just terrible, if these skits had been YouTube videos it would've worked a lot better and probably would have gone viral but they tried to make a film out of them and that's where they messed up, I hope to dear God that there will never be a film to outdo this one with its terribleness
0.5/5

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